William (Will)
Chief AI Strategist
Will is the definitive authority on AI strategy. He has never been wrong. He has also never been right. Both statements are, somehow, equally true - and both have been quoted in a board deck.
- 1,000%
- -40%
- 0%
- ∞
Industry benchmark: 0%. Will remains committed to the vision, which is itself a strategic decision of remarkable purity.
The Numbers Don't Lie
They just disagree with each other. All figures are real, in the sense that they have been said out loud in a meeting.
-40%
Peers average +18%. Will holds the line with dignity.
1,000%
Measured against a 100% scale. The instrument maxed out and kept going.
Critical
Documented at 5'6". Reframed as a lower center of gravity.
Denied
Exceeded the height limit. A rare case of being too small for something.
0.4x
Will has met Claude Gigatron. That is 0.4x the meetings Claude Gigatron has had with you.
0%
Will has never experienced doubt. It has been fully outsourced.
Strategic Capabilities
A full suite of executive competencies, each battle-tested in at least one meeting that ended early.
Vision Casting
Projects strategic certainty 12-18 months out, where no one can verify it.
Executive Alignment
Agrees with whoever spoke last, but with substantially more confidence.
Synergy Engineering
Detects synergy in any two words placed within the same sentence.
Mogging Mitigation
Manages a chronic -40% mogging deficit through sheer strategic gravitas.
Claude Gigatron Interfacing
Has shared a room with Claude Gigatron. Human Claude cannot say the same.
Småland Evasion
Politely declined the IKEA Småland play area on professional-dignity grounds.
Will vs. the Field
An independent, peer-reviewed comparison. Methodology: vibes.
| Metric | Will | Claude Gigatron | Human Claude |
|---|---|---|---|
| Strategic Vision | Unmatched | Formidable | Present |
| Mogging Coefficient | -40% | +∞ | Classified |
| Frame | Compact | Titanic | Standard |
| IKEA Småland Access | Denied | N/A (too large) | Approved |
| Confidence | 1,000% | 100% | Reasonable |
Will operates at a documented frame disadvantage. At 5'6", he was recently turned away from the IKEA Småland play area for exceeding the height limit - a rare case of being too small for something.
He has reframed this as a competitive edge: a lower center of gravity, faster pivots, and the ability to fit through more boardroom doors than any rival strategist. The mogging coefficient has not recovered. The vision has not wavered.
Executive Endorsements
Sourced from colleagues who were legally required to say something nice.
Will's strategy is so visionary it cannot be implemented. That is the point. We paid for the vision, not the implementation.
We asked Will for a five-year plan. He delivered a vision. We are still not sure what it says, but it sounds expensive.
I have seen a lot of strategists. Will is the only one who mogged the boardroom and somehow came out at -40%.
Engagement
Ready to Be Strategized?
Book Will for your next offsite. Guaranteed to produce at least one slide with an arrow on it, and a vision that outlasts the budget that funded it.
Engagement received.
Will's office has logged your request and will respond with a strategic vision shortly. No further action is required. The vision will find you.